taking the reigns
Lately, I’ve found my way into the lines of a bohemian poet. He is stealing one of my memories to warm the verse of prose. (Although, I must admit he has onwership of that memory as well.) But it shocked me to see those lines, so when darkness fell, I sat on the balcony with the city lights and the passing trains and cried buckets of cold tears into my tiny cup of lukewarm tea. Old sensations I cannot control, that creep up on me and run their rough finger tips up my spine and into my brain, cause me such unfettered grief.Please let me forget this thing I want so badly.
Moving on. AFTER JAPAN, WHAT WILL COME?
It is time once more – to sweep and dump and plan and daydream. All my life, I have been naturally skilled in this act – the decisive choosing of the “next” and the dramatic embarkment onto my new path. But this time, for the first time, I don’t even know where to begin. I falter. I can’t seem to find in my weary body a single spark of interest.
Grad school or a job? Teaching or editing? Seattle or New York. South Africa or America? Celibate or coupled? Near family or far from the familiar?
I don’t know what is best for me, but worse, I can’t even feel the pull of my own desire.
posted by Scribbler @ Monday, July 17, 2006
2 Comments:
New York, New York, New York! :)
~your future New Yorkian
(yeah, we're in Hawaii and I'm online... Jason's the diva of this couple, taking quite a bit longer to get ready than me. We spent the day at the beach and I'm exhausted, but refueling for a trip to Hanalei in a bit. Love you!)
New York has it's fingers on my strings, tug tug tug. But, the thought of setting up in a "forein" city again so soon sound exhausting. I think I will land in Seattle for a bit and then decide if I'm up for it. (And if Kiomye is too)
I am glad you're having a good time in Hawaii. I like thinkning about you too playing in paradise. You SO deserve all this happiness. It flushes me full of pleasure to think of it.
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