Scribbler's Cafe

Today I am

My class schedule on Mondays is very good. I teach for the first four periods, and then have the last two periods free. I prefer to get all my classes done early in the day when both I and the students are still fresh and able to focus. Sixth period can be rough, especially with spring sparkling outside the open windows.

After my last class today, I stole away to Top Coffee to hide away with a cup of strong coffee and those fabulous old jazz CDs they play. I sat and pondered my many failed relationships of the year. Although, in all honesty, I would be rather suspicious if I considered any relationship in the first year after my separation a success. Time is rare and precious.

My desires and needs have experienced major flux. My last love did not treat me well. I was caught up in the whirlwind and let the glamour and excitement cloud my eyes. So now, before I rush headlong into the next train wreck, I thought it might be wise to consider what I have learned.

So, there on my break at Top Coffee, I took out my pen and started to scratch:

Musts

• I must have access to you – an ability to communicate regularly.
• I must be given the same priority in your life as you expect to have in mine.

There I stopped and tapped my pen on my lip. That was about it. I couldn’t think of anything else. If those two things are there, then we can work out the rest. But then I remembered my last love again and those times when those two musts were met, but still things were not well. So then I wrote in quick succession:

• The relationship must not bring me feelings of shame, guilt or any other general “badness” just on the account of it’s basic existence.
• You must respect me. Show respect for my intelligence, my emotions and my circumstances. We are equals.

Ah, yes. That’s better. The cloud is lifting. I can see those important things.

I returned to the school in time to slip into my running shorts and join the boys for our daily laps around the campus. My feet pounded against the concrete and I chased down some of my quicker students. One of the bigger boys tried to catch me at the end. He passed me, but I felt another spurt of energy and smoked him at the last second.

“Sensei!” he said. “Today you are strong.”

Yes. Today I am strong.

posted by Scribbler @ Monday, April 24, 2006