Scribbler's Cafe

One of my favorite guilty internet pleasures

posted by Scribbler @ Sunday, April 30, 2006 0 comments

Because I know you look here all the time...

posted by Scribbler @ Saturday, April 29, 2006 2 comments

Death in the blue lagon

Kiomye won four fish on the day we went did hanami on the banks of the Shukugawa. They did not last long.

Ichi died at night, just after Kiomye went to bed. I considered flushing him right then, but decided I better wait until morning so that Kiomye could see him. I scooped him out of the bowl and left him floating in a cup all night. Kiomye woke up late. The babysitter was already at our house and I had just a couple minutes before I needed to rush out to work. I gave Kiomye the bad news and showed her the fish.

She began to cry. "Why did my fish die? I don't want it to die forever!" Real tears. Uh oh.

"Well, we need to decide what to do. We can bury it a the park, or we can flush it so it can go out to the ocean... to fishie heaven."

More and more crying. Obviously, the funeral was not going to go smoothly in the minute I had left before I needed to leave, so I wrapped the fish in plastic and put it in the refridgerator. I told Kiomye she could think about how she wanted to say good-bye while she was at school nd we would take care of it that night.

After work, I go to pick Kiomye up from school. I'm nervous that she's still upset. She looks fine when I see her. We are standing around with all the other moms helping thir kids put on shoes and sweaters and Kiomye shouts exhuberantly, "My fish DIED! We're going to flush it down the TOILET!"

Uh, yes, that's right. We'll be going now. Have a nice evening everyone.

On the walk home, Kiomye starts moaning again. She is a little sad, but she's also experimenting with greif. She cries for a second, then will stop to ask a question. "Where does the fish go when we flush it down the toilet?"

"I think it goes out to the ocean. To fishie heaven. She'll be so happy there. It will be beautiful, just like in the Nemo movie." Then I want to smack myself. Did I really just compare the afterlife with a Disney movie? And I don't think there's a fish heaven. I totally lied.

We get home, take the fish out of the fridge and then stand in front of the toilet. "Good-bye Ichi," I say. "You were a good fish."

Kiomye really starts to cry now and I'm a little surprised by how deeply upset she seems. She moans, "Don't die FOREVER!"

I drop the fish into the toilet bowl and gently ask, "Do you want to be the one to flush it?"

Kiomye's crying stops in a heart beat. "Yeah!" Whooosh, around and down Ichi goes. Kiomye is enthralled. "He's all gone now," she says to me, then skips away top play with her toys.

------

The other fish lasted a few more weeks. The one black one, Toto, died next. His funeral was a much quicker affair. Then a few days ago, Ni went bottoms up. Kiomye scooped him out herself and did the flushing honors. This morning, our last survivor, San, finally gave up the good fight.

Kiomey wants to get a turtle next.

Oh little turtle that we bring home, I apologize in advance for your shortened life. We try our best, but we just can't seem to keep these little creatures alive.

With the exception of Hamtaro - still going strong (and often loose in the apartment) for a year now.

posted by Scribbler @ Saturday, April 29, 2006 4 comments

That sure would buy a lot of healthcare and college education

I read on the Democracy Now site that the cost of the Iraq War Costs is approaching $320 BILLION. Wow. Worse, they said that the number would likely double before the end of the war. According to the Congressional Research Service, the ongoing operations in Iraq and Afghanistan stand to cost nearly as much as the departments of Education, Justice and Homeland Security combined. Incredible.

posted by Scribbler @ Saturday, April 29, 2006 2 comments

Free the birds!

I realize that the chirping bird sound pumped into the underground shopping passages in Umeda is intended to inspire feelings of peace and create a more natural atmosphere, but they creep me out. The sound comes from overhead, where you can look through the gaps in the low paneled ceiling and see pipes and air ducts. The sound is so realistic that I panic that there are real birds stuck down here. My heart races and I want to shout, "Get them out! Get them out! They will die down here!"

Of course, all I can do is bite my tongue and try not to look up when I walk in hopes of catching s glimpse of my trapped phantom birds.

posted by Scribbler @ Friday, April 28, 2006 0 comments

complete freedom displeases

Today I am troubled by the insignificance of my existence. I long for love's validation.

posted by Scribbler @ Friday, April 28, 2006 0 comments

My favorite liar

The scene on the platform rolls past my train window like an old movie reel. A young woman in skin tight jeans lifts her ankle back to adjust the hell strap on her gold lame pumps just as my train pushes a wave of air against her, blowing her hair high and back. Her gesture is gorgeous and unaware. My mind flashes to those delicate Breyer horse models that my sister used to collect - the ones with the foals lifting their hind legs to scratch at their long chins. The precarious balance is caught forever, just like the flashing image of the girl on the platform, burned into my mind where she will remain unchanged.

Or will she? I remember her jeans as light denim, but I can't remember if the white around her hips was a belt or a tied sweater. Even the color of her hair blown back by the wind eludes me now. I choose a color - dyed orange like all the other fashionable 20-somethings in Japan - but it just as have been black.

Memory is a skillful liar, an expert at garnishing the smallest details and providing false image and story elements with complete authority and assuredness.

posted by Scribbler @ Friday, April 28, 2006 0 comments

Today I am

My class schedule on Mondays is very good. I teach for the first four periods, and then have the last two periods free. I prefer to get all my classes done early in the day when both I and the students are still fresh and able to focus. Sixth period can be rough, especially with spring sparkling outside the open windows.

After my last class today, I stole away to Top Coffee to hide away with a cup of strong coffee and those fabulous old jazz CDs they play. I sat and pondered my many failed relationships of the year. Although, in all honesty, I would be rather suspicious if I considered any relationship in the first year after my separation a success. Time is rare and precious.

My desires and needs have experienced major flux. My last love did not treat me well. I was caught up in the whirlwind and let the glamour and excitement cloud my eyes. So now, before I rush headlong into the next train wreck, I thought it might be wise to consider what I have learned.

So, there on my break at Top Coffee, I took out my pen and started to scratch:

Musts

• I must have access to you – an ability to communicate regularly.
• I must be given the same priority in your life as you expect to have in mine.

There I stopped and tapped my pen on my lip. That was about it. I couldn’t think of anything else. If those two things are there, then we can work out the rest. But then I remembered my last love again and those times when those two musts were met, but still things were not well. So then I wrote in quick succession:

• The relationship must not bring me feelings of shame, guilt or any other general “badness” just on the account of it’s basic existence.
• You must respect me. Show respect for my intelligence, my emotions and my circumstances. We are equals.

Ah, yes. That’s better. The cloud is lifting. I can see those important things.

I returned to the school in time to slip into my running shorts and join the boys for our daily laps around the campus. My feet pounded against the concrete and I chased down some of my quicker students. One of the bigger boys tried to catch me at the end. He passed me, but I felt another spurt of energy and smoked him at the last second.

“Sensei!” he said. “Today you are strong.”

Yes. Today I am strong.

posted by Scribbler @ Monday, April 24, 2006 1 comments

Movie Day

I took Kiomye into Osaka today. We saw the early showing of Ice Age 2, dubbed into Japanese. We sorta new what was happening. Sorta.

I know I should be shocked anymore, but it still freaks me out how much it costs to see a movie in Japan. For Kio and I today, it was 2800 yen - that about $25 just for tickets. AND, I lied and said Kio was still just 3 to get the kid discount. Two people for a Sunday matinee back home would be about $10. Then there's the cost of munchies. Ugh.

After the movie, Kiomye and I wandered about in the Gare underground shoping complex. Kiomye started to get tired, so we stopped at a cafe and I stuffed her full of strawberry cake and chocolate donuts. The sugar was just enough to keep her going until we got the train to come home. Then she totally wiped out.

We just woke up from our naps. I always plan to stay awake and be productive when Kio is sleeping, but the allure of an afternoon sleep is too much for me to resist. I'm not yet finished planning my class for tomorrow, but I'm still in a "going out" mood. I think Kio and I will head to the Nishi-kita Moss burger for dinner.

posted by Scribbler @ Sunday, April 23, 2006 0 comments

Waiting

This is a photo from an amazing photographer on flicker that I am a huge fan of. (id: kenji2006) He has an excellent sense of the mystical and the msyterious.

posted by Scribbler @ Saturday, April 22, 2006 0 comments

何が次ですか?

So, now that I've comitted to another year in Japan, I've also started to think about my exit strategy again. Grad school in Hawaii sounds good. Yep. Very very good.

posted by Scribbler @ Saturday, April 22, 2006 0 comments

Bye-bye bunny

This is Kiomye's school. That's her "boyfriend" Yusuke standing in the corner of the picture. He's a sweet boy. The smiliest kid at her school. It's easy to see why she likes him best. I took this picture at the Easter party. Easter paraphenilia is very difficult to find in Japan, but I had managed to get my hands on a chocolate bunny from the foreign buyers club on Rokko Island. Kiomye scarfed down the whole thing jut 20 minutes before we left the house. For the first 20 minutes of the party, she ran around in circles joyously singing/screaming a song about a rabbit with a fly on its ear. Then the sugar rush ended and she crashed... hard. It wasn't pretty. We barely made it through the rest of the party.

This is my favorite recent picture of me and Kiomye. It was just an ordinary evening of goofing around. We've had a lot of normal, ordinary evenings lately. That's a good thing. Tomorrow is yet another Mommy-Daughter day. I think we're going to go see the new Ice Age movie in OSaka, but all the early showings have been dubbed into Japanese. Oh well. It will be good language practice.

posted by Scribbler @ Saturday, April 22, 2006 0 comments

The Absent-minded English Teacher

This morning I rushed out of the house to get to the Saturday morning movie class that I teach. I was so proud to get there with enough time to make the copies I needed and unlock the room door before the students started rioting in the hall. The bell rang and I was happily zooming along until the time came to get the movie going and I realized the DVD was NOT IN MY BAG.

I left it at home. I had planned a freaking TWO HOUR class based around this movie. I suddenly had a lot of time to fill. Mild moment of panic.

Luckily, I had a back-up movie in my bag. I just didn't have any worksheets or support material to go with it. The kids just got to sit back and watch it. Sigh. Not my best class.

posted by Scribbler @ Saturday, April 22, 2006 0 comments

commitments broken and renewed

A third year of teaching in Japan was finally offered to me. There was some drama and for a moment it looked like I might have to come home early. But, thankfully, God and good-sense intervened and I get to stay.

It's getting harder and harder to imagine leaving. (This freaks my poor mother out.)

I went to my beloved Cafe Absinthe to write last night. I used to go every week to write. I'd stay for hours. But, it's been over two months since I've been in last. Dominique (the owner) called out to me as I walked in the door. "WHERE have you been!? Did you go abroad?"
"No, I didn't go anywhere."
"What happened to you then?"
"Oh, you know... love."
"Ahhhh. And now?"
"Heartache."
"Well, whatever, at least you're back here!"
He brought me my usual without me asking. I opened my notebook, stared out the window and sighed.

This may be a very long year in Japan.

posted by Scribbler @ Thursday, April 20, 2006 1 comments

Back in the groove

This is the first time I've ever been relieved that a vacation has ended. Ironically, the break brought me way to much stress. Now the school demands all of my attention. Thank God.

I am thrilled to be teaching again. I finally feel like I know what I'm doing. The first year, I had no clue AND I had no idea how I was going to figure it out. The second year, I still had no clue, but I had a better idea on how to figure it out. But now, my classes flow so smooth. I have plans, ideas and enthusiasm. I love my students and they are happy to have me teaching them again.

But still, the shock of the mental exhaustion of the first full week of classes always wipes me out. Last night I went to bed at 7:30. I was asleep in minutes. Tonight I'm going to try to stay awake until 8. It'll will be a tough battle.

Today during lunch I was chatting ith one of the older teachers in the office. He told me that for most of the last term I looked like a high school student, but that these past couple weeks I look like a madam. (He's English isn't very good. He meant "lady". I didn't clue him in on the other meaning that madam has.) He asked me why I changed. I have changed, and I know exctly why. But, I didn't think any of the teachers would be persceptive enough to notice. I couldn't tell him about my love life, about the whirlwinds, exaultations and late night stresses. All I could say was, "I think it's time for me to grow up."

"Yes," he said. "I think that will be good for your heart."

I forget sometimes how closely we all live in that little office.

posted by Scribbler @ Tuesday, April 18, 2006 0 comments

Listen to my noise

I like jazz for the same reason I love logic puzzles. This music makes my brain do flip flops. I catch a pattern, itentify the repeating melody and suddenly know what to expect - but then the familiar sound is gone, slipped from my mind like silk scarves through fingertips. Each time I think I can claim it, it changes, gone, reborn as something new and challenging.

In this dim hidden place, I watch golden candlelight orbs floating in the palms of waitresses. The flayed fingers on my bare shoulder spark our dark corner. Nothing could be more divine.

posted by Scribbler @ Sunday, April 16, 2006 0 comments

Letter to vanished friend

posted by Scribbler @ Sunday, April 16, 2006 0 comments

Sunday Morning

posted by Scribbler @ Sunday, April 16, 2006 1 comments

Spring Hanami

Kiomye and I went out for some hanami (flower viewing) at Shukugawa yesterday. The cherry blossoms along the river are in full bloom and the day was perfect for a picnic. Of course, about a billion other people thought so too. I was so shocked when we got to the station and had to shove our way through the platform crowd to get out of the station, only to be pushed into the crowd of people waiting for their groups outside the station, only to be tumbled into the hoards of people scoping out naked river-side tarp property for their picnics. Kiomye and I walked a long, LONG way from the station before the crowd thinned enough to allow for actual viewing of the flowers and occasional snatches of spring peace.

One unexpected good point to the crowds was that food and game booths had been set up along the river. Yea! Squid bits fried in gooey batter! Yummy! Kiomye played a game where she tried to scoop up live fish with a paper net before it disolved into nothingness. She only caught one fish, and then becuase I cheated and helped her, but the man was nice and let her pick out four to take home. She named the three orange ones Ichi, Ni and San (one, two, three in Japanese) and the black one is Toto. I have no idea why. I thought for sure we'd lose a couple fish on the way home - especially by the way Kiomye kept banging the bag against her legs, the train doors, the shopping bags of the people in the crowd, but all four have survived two days now. Pretty good.

posted by Scribbler @ Sunday, April 09, 2006 0 comments

私の素晴らしい友人

posted by Scribbler @ Friday, April 07, 2006 0 comments

From the Rockstar File

posted by Scribbler @ Sunday, April 02, 2006 0 comments

Girls in Red Dresses

A little girl just moved into our building. Kiomye is thrilled. We had her over today and the girls put on Kiomye's Christmas dresses and played samurai princess. Very cute. This is them taking a break and watching some Charmmy Kitty.

posted by Scribbler @ Sunday, April 02, 2006 0 comments